Live at Rum Runners

by STUCK OUT HERE

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1.
It was the age of self diagnosis We were so liberal with our doses Self important and indignant Crashing cars our dads taught us to drive in In the time between degrees and employment We were in no hurry for its procurement Were told "to be part of something" More than this job I hate More than this debt that won’t go away And so I made myself scum To make myself someone Who's experienced every failing And could then explain oblivion And it’s been gnawing at my brain If you knew, what I knew when it started It never would have started If you knew, that you never should've bothered You never would've bothered In this world that's constantly changing If you're not improving, you're fading fast That's all I wanted to do Then I met you So if you think you're too drunk to call me I'm probably too drunk to fall asleep And when you're in that state Do you hate me? Do you blame me? Cause it’s been gnawing at my brain If you knew, what I knew when it started It never would have started If you knew, that you never should've bothered You never would've bothered Now I’m switching to light beer To make my twelve beer affairs A slightly smaller ordeal Do you hate me? Do you blame me? Cause it’s been gnawing at my brain If you knew, what I knew when it started It never would have started If you knew, that you never should've bothered You never would've bothered
2.
I'm getting flashbacks to prom Out in Chad Van Dyke's bush Oh, weren't we all once that young Before the clockhands took what they took But my hands grip 'round the threads Of that still-born drunk dream But you're way past that now Except you're still stuck with me It must be hard to watch the ones you love fuck up for fun but it's worth it It must be hard to watch the ones you love fuck up for fun but it's worth it I'm sorry I embarrassed you I want to change I'm sorry I embarrassed you I want to change I'm sorry I embarrassed you I want to change I'm sorry I embarrassed you I want to change I'm in a room with your mom After a Christmas parade I'm burnt-out and staggered Occupying some out-of-mind space And I'm a big disappointment Well, that's only half true Half of me is a party And the other half's letting down you It must be hard to watch the ones you love fuck up for fun but it's worth it It must be hard to watch the ones you love fuck up for fun but it's worth it I'm sorry I embarrassed you I want to change I'm sorry I embarrassed you I want to change I'm sorry I embarrassed you I want to change I'm sorry I embarrassed you I want to change
3.
Hey baby I'm in pieces I'm a pop cliché I'm fiberglass, I'm smashed I'm human waste I've been staying in on weekends I've been sleeping late I've been learning how to love Fading away Hey baby I am speechless No words to spray I am stunned beyond belief I'm shit for brains I've been sinking into nothing And it feels okay I've been learning how to love Fading away Hey baby I am blankness I'm a sunless day I am void of girth and ghost I'm empty space I am colourless and tasteless I have no face I have finally learned to love Fading away
4.
That spring you finished your degree And mine was still incomplete You moved into that house on Bathurst St And I moved in with my parents I said, "Don't worry, I'll make the journey Up Hwy 8 to the 401, down the 427 To the Gardiner Expressway I'll make it every seven days" Those weekends spent in the backyard Under a sky with no stars And you drank wine, and I drank rye I said, "Someday I'll take you away from this Someday we won't be so helpless Someday I'll fly you to Paris And you'll drink wine, and I'll drink rye" But every Sunday you'd start to cry Said, "Don't leave me in this city I'm so lonely, I know nobody" I'd wipe the hair out of your eyes Smile and tell you a bunch of lies Of how September would be better But now I'm in Toronto And my degree's still incomplete I can't afford to eat I can't buy you wine, can't afford rye I said, "Someday I'll take you away from this Someday we won't be so helpless Someday I'll fly you to Paris And you'll drink wine, and I'll drink rye" But every time it starts raining I remember dancing with you to Bobcaygeon And when I think back on those days I remember your summer skin colour Your sun squint smile Your long blond hair Rolling down your shoulder And I say, "Someday I'll take you away from this Someday we won't be so helpless Someday I'll finish college And you'll drink wine, and I'll drink rye"
5.
This was supposed to be the summer That they write pop songs about Halcyon days and Ray Ban shades No sky has known a cloud But it rained And it poured And I was not equipped to face the storm And I know or I should have known This wasn't my puddle to drown in I should have given you the space To mull and wade around in But I stuck out my hand When you weren't ready to stand I can't be there for you The way you want me to But can I be there for you for me I loved you when I left you When you needed me the most I wanted you inside me But you didn't let me close You were too weak to take the wheel So I wouldn't let you man it But what you won't let me live down is When you suffered's when I panicked But could I ever admit it? I never wanted to neglect you I might have been the opposite I was determined to protect you I want to give you all of me How's that not what you need I can't be there for you The way you want me to But can I be there for you for me Just say "you're right I can't understand" I can't be there for you The way you want me to But can I be there for you for me
6.
7.
Two bottles of Saint and Sinners wine I missed the train, but hey, ain't that divine My friend Joe's got his truck, he's right on time A can of Busch in the console at his side Picked up Melissa at some bar on Dundas Street Went to the Cameron and you drank too much it seemed Might have been all that dingy alley weed Didn't notice when you got up to leave Held back your hair Dropped you off at your porch and left you there I know it stings but if only you could see That when you met me I wasn't who I seemed Barely conscious and dancing lucidly To some cover band killing Bruce Springsteen You said you never were this way with other guys But I was manic and didn't mind the lie Your friend was put off, well maybe she was right Maybe she saw the madness in my eyes What you might not know A couple weeks after we made out at that show I thought you were an angel I could talk to in the shower Covering myself in soap under the hospital cameras Posing in the raw like an ancient God I thought I was God, I really thought I was God And you probably liked the confidence I emitted Or how I kissed you on the floor in the Horseshoe's basement I thought you were a shapeshifter, I was totally lifted Saw a million women in you every time we connected You were a phantom were a spirit I was holy high And I fell asleep beneath you buried in your thighs You blew smoke rings in your bedroom from a wooden pipe I drifted off completely I was holy high I was bushed, and I was batty, in a different place I was convinced I was cemented in a sacred space But when the medicine kicked in It cut the light from my face And we haven't spoken since So if you hear this, I hope you understand I was a very ill and very disturbed man The time we had was a farce, a sleight of hand Dancing wildly to that Springsteen cover band But if there's parts of you that years later still ache Just know you made me wild and kept me safe I hope that now you're in a better place In a better place, you're in a better place like I am
8.
She said, “I swear I’m there I’ll go ’til you go” She said, “I don’t care, but you wouldn’t dare If you knew what I know” She said “I’m just south of Queen St Watching high-heeled girls dry heave Trust me, that’s been me Nights like these, I wish that was me” She said, “Meet me at the bar with the bar rail deals For around 30 bucks we can forget ourselves And after a few more rounds pretend we’re each someone else Like if you’ll be my Gatsby, I’ll be your Daisy” At the end of the night she said “This ain’t the end of the night” She said, “Put me in a cab, drive me around” Looked up with her sad brown eyes and said “I want to see your place See what a disgrace you live in” She looked at my house, at my book shelf And laughed at my lame literary self She said, “Meet me underneath your bed sheets And for around an hour and a half we can act like we aren’t lonely And after you fall asleep I can disappear in the streets Just like you’re my Gatsby, and I’m your Daisy And you can end up hating me, use me in one of your stories And justify to yourself why you had to go through such hell And you can put me up on your bookshelf” She said, “I think you think you’re just as reckless as me And that I’m everything that you need I think you’re just as pathetic as me And everything that I need” She said, “If you’ll be my Gatsby, I’ll be your Daisy If you’ll let me, I could be the death of you” And I said, “I’ll be your Gatsby, if you’ll be my Daisy I’ll let you be the death of me”

about

This project is funded in part by FACTOR, the Government of Canada and Canada’s private radio broadcasters.

Ce projet est financé en partie par FACTOR, le gouvernement du Canada et les radiodiffuseurs privés du Canada.

credits

released June 19, 2020

Mixed & Mastered by Siegfried Meier
Album Art by Jeremy Bruneel
Check out the video of the whole set by Jeremy Tredenick (@JReelVisuals) here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fldu4f0xecU

Big thanks to Ridgeway, Ramona, Pkew Pkew Pkew, and Brandon Eedy.

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STUCK OUT HERE Toronto, Ontario

We sing party angst anthems.

For bookings: stuckouthere AT gmail DOT com.

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